Pre-Chi

I should be getting ready to drive to Chicago-land tomorrow, but have decided to go with this flow of organizing my online business presence.  Created a very simple and free website at lustrousgemyoga.weebly.com over the last few weeks.  Yes...it took me a few weeks to put that super basic thing together.  Only because I get distracted a lot these days.  There is a good feeling that comes along with getting things done for me, though.  I especially love writing things down on a to do list....and then crossing them off.  Sometimes I even will write something down that I have already done, just so I can cross it off.

My yoga practice is turning into me doing random poses at random times throughout the day.  Establishing a practice at the same time every day has proved very difficult for me always.  Life throws curve balls, and you have to be ready for them....which is what the yoga practice is amazing at helping you deal with in a calm way...but when the curve ball is having to rearrange your schedule last minute therefore not being able to go to the studio or even get in a home practice is tricky tricky stuff.  I suppose the drive and passion for the practice takes me into whatever pose I need in that moment.  Or even just taking a few deep breaths can make all the difference, too.

Attempting to step back from my life at this moment, and to try and see this particular portion of my journey from a distance has me wondering....how can we continue to see what we are doing, and how we are doing it, while we are in the middle of it?  Hmmm.....

Equanimity

There was a moment as I walked down a somewhat busy street near my house today when someone, I assume a guy, whistled in my direction very loudly.  Like, so loudly that it startled me.  It made me jump a little.  I didn't turn around...I just kept walking.  Then a block later someone honked and looked at me as he drove by.  Sigh.  My mind started on this tangent to question big choices I have made regarding where I live.  I thought, wow, do I really love my neighborhood that much?  I mean, if people are that inconsiderate to scare me like that...is it a safe place to raise my son?  See how the fear is so heavy and can consume us so quickly?  Now, I am usually super happy about where I live.  I love the community; the artistic types and healing people are everywhere.  I can walk around and see people I know and enjoy without feeling like I am lacking privacy, there is a huge park 2 blocks away with incredible trees, and so on.  So I turned to walk down my alley, and there I saw a very beautiful cardinal sitting on top of a fence.  I stopped to appreciate it for a while....still feeling jittery and pissed off from the events that just occurred.  The red bird's movements were playful, bouncy and graceful.  I began to look for feathers on the ground...just in case.  I continued down the alley and came upon a very boldly colored butterfly fluttering across my path and landing on a bush.  I noticed how the alley has a lot of broken glass....and garbage...and among this seemingly dirty, scary place...there was so much beauty.  I then saw my across the alley neighbor who had just moved in recently.  We had a nice introduction conversation and I continued about my day.  Basically, the universe redeemed itself from the freaky, almost shocking cat-calls...to the calm, powerful and also, almost shockingly beautiful creatures that I encountered just after.  What an important reminder that all things must find balance!

We are able to trust that all things are in balance.  Right now.  And that means that we are able to experience the perceived "good" and the perceived "bad" as equals....as harmony at the deepest and often the most challenging level for our minds.  I am aware of much greater injustices and fears that many, many people around the globe suffer from.  I strive to find balance inside of myself and to answer life's calling to be of service to the planet.  I believe that this is the way to be at peace amongst the chaos.  As Howard Thurman said "Don't ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive.  Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive."  

The wind blows through the curtains on the porch as I type this...and a big, black fly is buzzing around my ankles.  Riley asked me yesterday....he said, "Mom?  What if I was you and you were me?"  That brought the biggest smile to my face.  Gratitude flows through me like a river flows through the land.  This gratitude has no idea what is yet to come.  It trusts in the flow.  It resides in the now.  Breathe into your heart, and feel the peace within.  Om shanti, shanti, shantihi!

when the mood strikes...

Well, you may have noticed I changed the name of my blog.  I do find it a little strange to refer to myself as a goddess, I will admit.  But why should it be?  I am one, dammit.  And being strange isn't bad in my book.  Although I really don't feel like one right now.  A goddess, that is.  Getting worn out by a couple of cute little kids and then having to do a bazillion dishes is just par for the course in a day in the life of this particular goddess :)

Thoughts on today:

1. When walking anywhere it is really pretty normal to look down.  Ever notice that?  Lately, I have been trying to look up, but sometimes it hurts my neck...also, I might trip, but fuck it.  Live dangerously, right?  It's a whole different world when you look up!  For fun try crouching down to see what the world looks like from a kid's or pet's perspective.  Woah.  No wonder kids want to feel powerful and pretend to be superheros!  They feel tiny and powerless so they have to compensate. 

2.  What's the deal with money?  Do you think we will ever get to a point where we just all do what positively drives us and makes us come alive and the Universe will come into balance and this place will be Utopia?  A few years ago, I began to gradually let go of my grasping for money.  Something clicked when I read this book The Soul of Money, actually.  It was like, changing my attitude about money was all I needed to do, and then it was somewhat easy to be able to make the amount I need to get by....plus some little extras.  It's not that I don't ever worry about money.  It's that I know, underneath it all that even if I don't have enough, things will be okay.  I kind of like the challenge of trying to eat all or most of the food stored in my cupboards before buying new things.  I have realized that stressing over money is not serving me or anyone.  (Convenient for a little, spoiled by her grandparents, white girl from NW Indiana to say, eh?)  But it IS true that I work hard.  I just happen to love the work so maybe from now on I'll call it play. 

Oh, yay!  Gotta go guys.  I have to go to play tomorrow :)

This is It

Alright, yes.  I have been putting off writing this blog for long enough.  Actually, my sister and I had a bit of a fight the other day and she is the one who keeps urging me to do this blog thing, and well....maybe this is my way of apologizing to her without really doing it yet.  Maybe.  Today in the universe is just as beautiful as it can be.  Riley was busy building pillow forts in the living room while I cleaned the kitchen and got household stuff done this morning.  I am finding that my main motivation time to do housework type stuff is right away in the morning.  Good information to have so I know when to do housework and when to relax and not fight my own natural rhythms.  So, this blog is going to be about how I continue to be inspired by so many things in my daily life.  As a yoga teacher, mom, and spiritual seeker,  I hope to share my inspiration with whoever it resonates with.  One thing that made me feel deeply calm and happy today was when I was walking along the path at the dog park by the Mississippi River with my dog Bella, and my son, Riley.  I had this line from a movie stuck in my brain.  It kept repeating over and over.  Funny but it was this line from the movie Being John Malkovich.  I definitely am attracted to strange and even creepy movies.  Anyway, "Little Johnny Malka-pee"  the kids were chanting....well, I caught my mind thinking that dumb line from the movie and I decided to change the chant to something else.  Something uplifting.  Something that I would actually choose to have stuck in my head.  I chose "Om Namah Shivaya" and continued to chant it in the same tune as the kids in the movie chanted.  This chant, loosely translates as "I surrender to spirit" from Sanskrit; an ancient classical Indian language.  After a while, my sub-conscious mind continued to chant it, even as my conscious mind focused on other things.  The trees, the dogs, Riley being a silly, funny kid, etc.  But in the back round was "Om Namah Shivaya, Om Namah Shivaya, Om Namah Shivaya"  It was an ocean of calm compared to the annoying movie thing from before!  I find it works better if I sing it in my head in a fun tune that I like.  The low sound of the traditional tune of Sanskrit chants tends to bore me.  I guess the point is, we do have a way to overcome our tendency to think about things that aren't doing shit for us.  For me, this is awesomely liberating because I hadn't really realized my own ability to do it until now.  It is sometimes difficult for me to explain in words just how amazing this adventure of my life has been, and continues to be.  I mean, how many people look at each day as an adventure!?  I do!!  I hope that this blog helps me to be able to process my own....stuff.....and to share some inspiration dust, too.  I am so very blessed to have all that I have.  I must have done some great things before arriving at this life to deserve all that I have.  Namaste :)